Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Randomize
