And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
