i may or may not be watching the land before time
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
