Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
