At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
