I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
