Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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