Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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