Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
