I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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