I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
