This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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