Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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