idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
