thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
