I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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