It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
