i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
