that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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