no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
