u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
