Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
