at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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