I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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