drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize