Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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