for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize