Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
