I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
