remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
