stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
