i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
