he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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