I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
