I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
