Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
