i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
