I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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