I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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