Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
