There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
