She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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