I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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