did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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