I didn't shave. On purpose
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
