talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
