I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block