I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
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I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.