Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
