it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
