i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just cropdusted the office
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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