My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
