Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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