How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
