The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize