I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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