haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
