woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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