quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
there is glitter all over my balls
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