I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
