Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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