I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
