and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
