R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
