Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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