Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
