Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
