Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
