I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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