Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
