The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
