took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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