R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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