You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
