Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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