Need sex. Gaining weight.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
