I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
