Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
