I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
