you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
