I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
